Tending the Mulch

I’m president of my condo association (geek!), which rarely leads to profound insights. This Wednesday’s meeting was an exception. After fixing sidewalks so disabled residents don’t fall and planning for the replacement of a couple hundred old water heaters to avoid catastrophic damage (stay with me, the interesting part’s coming), we turned our attention to a request by a resident to put mulch on her little private garden.

What ensued was a 30-minute free-for-all in which no fewer than five residents commented to excoriate us for the rank favoritism, yea, the unmitigated injustice that we visited upon this poor soul by refusing her request when other private gardens were (mistakenly, we explained) granted said mulch. You’d have thought we just told her pets were against the condo rules (relax, they aren’t) and then kicked her puppy to drive the point home.

This got me to thinking, all of the so-called “conservatives” who want to tell us whom we can marry, what we can watch on TV and how we can screw are just “tending the mulch.” While serious and dangerous issues swirl around us — grotesque deficits, rampant government corruption, etc. — they’re more concerned with the things that make them feel good (or icky, as the case may be) than dealing with real problems that affect more than just their narrow interests.

Anyway, that’s my contribution to the lexicon. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to call a landscaper.

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4 responses to “Tending the Mulch

  1. Mustang Bobby

    I like it. Can I use it?

  2. The Midwestern Gentleman

    Please be my guest, Bobby! Glad someone other than me found it amusing. I personally like the busybody connotations it carries. I can almost see my own grandma, god love her, poking around in a flower bed while mumbling about the state of “people these days.”

  3. The Midwestern Gentleman

    Perhaps an even better phrase would be “tending the mulch while the house burns down.”

  4. I like your blog and stumbled upon ya by way of Swede and Czech. It’s nice to see another Marylander out there. I will be back when I have more time. Great writing, dude!

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