Appetite for Tribulation

With Pat Robertson predicting everything but a plague of locusts for 2007, the Gent thought it an appropriate time to check in on our old friend The Rapture Index, which after a strong uptick in 2006 starts 2007 at … drumroll, please … 163! That places us well into the “fasten your seatbelts” category of “end time activity” measured by the index.

Some highlights from the current Rapture Index’s predictive factors:

COMMENTS ON ACTIVE CATEGORIES
01 False Christs
A gentleman in Florida has made news by claiming to
be Christ.
03 Satanism:
In England, satanists are believed responsible a series
of sickening “satanic rite” attacks on farm animals.

With the number of people claiming to be the savior, I’m shocked the index only puts “False Christs” at three. Heck, there are that many in the upper levels of the Bush Administration.

04 Unemployment:
The US job market shows signs of improvement.
05 Inflation:
Despite pressure from oil, core inflation remains stable.
06 Interest Rates:
Federal Reserve raises the core interest rate to 4.75%
07 The Economy
The economies of The U.S. and Japan show healthy growth.
08 Oil Supply/Price
The price of oil drops to around $63 per barrel.
09 Debt and Trade:
The U.S. federal budget deficits has declined.

I didn’t realize Alan Greenspan had such a strong interest in the Rapture.

20 Tribulation Temple
The lack of activity has downgraded this category.

Let me tell you, I spent New Year’s at the Tribulation Temple, and the activity was anything but “downgraded,” if you know what I mean.

29 Liberalism
Democrats take control of the U.S. Congress

As the Rapture Index explains, “It’s not just a part of the Democrat Party. Liberalism is what could be called the ‘true conspiracy.’ Liberal media are 100 percent controlled by the forces that bow to humanistic ideology.” Well done, forces of humanistic ideology! That get-out-the-vote effort really paid off.

33 Beast Government:
Romania and Bulgaria join the EU.

Wow, if the EU is the Beast Government, excessive bureaucracy and stinky cheese are clearly the devil’s playthings.

43 Climate:
Earth’s oceans have cooled in the last three years.

I guess that 3,000-year-old ice shelf that recently broke free in the Arctic needs to keep up with the Rapture Index better.

There you have it, End Times fans! Stay tuned for future updates on the Second Coming. In the meantime, whet your appetite for tribulation by blowing away a few sinners in the Left Behind video game.

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2 responses to “Appetite for Tribulation

  1. My inaugural address at the Great White Throne Judgment of the Dead, after I have raptured out billions!
    Read My Inaugural Address
    My Site=http://www.angelfire.com/crazy/spaceman
    Your jaw will drop!

  2. I don’t know about you but those rapturers scare the beejezus out of me.
    Vanity Fair did an article on a core rapture group that was visiting the ‘holy land’ (the one in the middle east-not walmart).
    Very very scary stuff especially considering how they are trying to influence our foreign affairs.
    Nice blog.

    OT, Welcome to PA!
    I’m in Pittsburgh.
    However, my daughter is in Philly currently attending the University of the Arts in Center City and lives on South St (the land of $200 T-shirts).

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